In English, politeness is mostly a word ("please") plus tone. In Korean, politeness is grammar: the verb ending changes to encode how you relate to the person you are talking to. There is no "one correct way to say 'eat'" — the correct version depends entirely on who's listening. This is the feature that makes Korean feel respectful from the very first sentence.
Three levels you actually need#
The full grammatical system has six levels; fully learn three. From formal to casual:
| Level | Ending example | Feel | Where / with whom |
|---|---|---|---|
| Formal | 합니다 / 습니다 — 먹습니다 | public, official | news, presentations, job contexts |
| Polite | -요 — 먹어요 | warm, everyday | most real conversations with strangers, coworkers, elders |
| Casual (반말) | (no ending) — 먹어 | close | friends your age, kids, people who drop to it with you first |
Formal: 선생님, 저녁을 먹습니다. (announcing) Polite: 저녁 먹어요. (the daily default) Casual: 밥 먹었어? (to a close friend)
The one rule to live by as a learner: when in doubt, use -요. It is polite enough for strangers, warm enough for friends, and never sounds weird. The polite -요 ending covers ~90% of daily life, and Koreans genuinely appreciate a foreigner who defaults to it.
만들어요: how -요 attaches#
Korean verbs have a stem and an ending. Conjugating to the polite level is mechanical.
- Take the verb stem: 가다 (go) → 가
- Add 요: 가요 (I go; polite)
- 먹다 (eat) → 먹 → 먹어요
With some stems the vowel shifts (먹 → 먹어요, 마시다 → 마셔요), but the rule is always one stem, one polite ending. Do not fear it — you will internalize the shapes by repetition, exactly as you did Hangul.
Honorifics: the -시- infix and respectful verbs#
Beyond the ending, Korean has honorific grammar that elevates the subject of the sentence — used when talking about (or to) someone older, senior, or respected.
가시다, 오시다: the -시- slips into the verb. 할머니가 오시세요. — Grandma is coming. (polite + honorific) 누나가 집에 가셨어요. — Sis went home. (with respect)
And some common verbs have completely separate honorific forms. You don't conjugate your way to these — you swap the word:
| Plain | Honorific | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 먹다 | 드시다 | eat/drink |
| 자다 | 주무시다 | sleep |
| 있다 | 계시다 | to be (of people) |
| 주다 | 주시다 / 드리다 | give |
| 말하다 | 말씀하시다 | speak/say |
할아버지가 밥을 드세요. (Grandpa is eating — respect built into the verb) 어디에 계세요? (Where are you [respected person]?)
The self side: humble words for "me"#
Politeness flows both directions. When the speaker does things for someone respected, humble versions appear — most commonly:
나 (casual "I") → 저 (humble "I") — 저는 학생이에요. (I am a student) 주다 (give) → 드리다 (humble give) — 선생님께 책을 드렸어요. (gave the book to the teacher)
Same meaning, but the grammar signals "you rank above me in this transaction." Koreans will never correct a foreigner harshly for missing this — they'll just be pleased you noticed it exists.
Why Koreans don't switch to 존댓말 with you#
There is a famous scene: a new foreigner chats casually with a Korean older than them, and the Korean keeps using polite forms back. That is not confusion — it's a signal. 반말 is not a prize; it's a relationship. Koreans switch to casual speech as an act of closeness, often after you've said "편하게 말하세요" (speak comfortably) or when the relationship is clearly intimate. As a learner:
- Use -요 by default until someone invites you down.
- Don't demand 반말; it will come naturally.
- If someone uses 반말 with you, that's usually an affection move, not disrespect.
Choosing the right register: three real scenes#
| Scene | What to say |
|---|---|
| Entering a shop | 헤드폰 하나 주세요. (Please give me one pair of headphones) |
| Stranger asks your name | 제 이름은 미나예요. (My name is Mina — 저 + polite) |
| Texting a close friend | 밥 먹었어? (Did you eat?) |
Notice the shop line uses 주세요 (give + please + polite). 주세요 is the single most useful phrase in this entire series — it converts "want" into "please give me" everywhere.
Common mistakes learners make#
| Mistake | Fix |
|---|---|
| Using casual ending with a stranger | Default to -요 until invited |
| Mixing humble 저 with casual ending | 저 pairs with -요 or formal; casual goes with 나 |
| Conjugating politeness onto the noun | The verb carries it: 먹어요 not 밥요 |
| Honorific on your own action | Order never elevates speaker — only subject/recipient |
| Using polite 형식 ending in a group chat | Texting chaos accepts casual easily; match the room |
The three-endings rule for your first year#
- -요 for all spoken encounters (default, safe, warm)
- -습니다/-합니다 for announcements, presentations, work emails
- casual endings only when a friend crosses over first
Watch your Part 1 vocabulary from this new light: 반가워요 and 고마워요 both end in 요 precisely because they are the polite layer — the default you now know how to wield. And if you want to build a first real sentence with these politeness endings on top of the particle system, you have all three pillars: blocks that you can read, a verb that lands last, and an ending that makes it polite.
